edDie

monotonous life

2007-02-01T05:25:00.000-08:00

life's getting damn boring... becomes like damn routine... plus there sometimes no one to talk to. sigh... just got to find out a few week ago bout some very nasty stuff... been scammed... sianz... it's was a crap and rash decision... should have thought it out first... i feel so distant from the outside world... it's like a lack of interaction or something... it's a bloody big cage... so big... yet so alone...

there are some pple who say the human will is very strong... if u really really want something and tell it to yourself everyday... believe in it... it will come true... but how true is it? if so... why dun i see myself growing taller?! =p but there are some who also say.... the more u want something... the more u won't get it.... well if u dun work for it la...

it's The New YeaR

2006-12-31T05:59:00.000-08:00

been ages since my last update... i think lots of cobwebs on this page liao haha.. well it's the new year's eve... in 2 hours time.. it's 2007!!!! quite lonely... wanted to go watch fireworks... but seems like everyone has got their own programme... haha oh well...
and at this moment kah ling is gossiping with me bout me... wadde hell.. shldn't have suggested it to her...

for some reason.. i think i have been keeping some stuff to myself... too personal... bad experiences thought me that some stuff are better left unsaid and kept to oneself.. pretty dangerous... esp affairs of the heart... can seriously cause a heap of a trouble... and when it happens to be someone close... it gets pretty awkward...

yesterday's gathering... thanks guys for coming... sorry bout the mahjong... know that u guys din get to play much... but... think there'll be some other times... u all hor... next time dun buy food la... a lot leh... haha now my house full of tidbits liao (which is a good thing).. hmmm... some heads up for next year's programme when cheryl lee gets back... thinking of booking a kbox function room... got pool... can sing... blah blah blah... shldn't be that bad la... if u all got any other good ideas oso can contribute... haha

Last but not least!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

juZ anOthEr wKenD...

2006-09-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

when u were really young... dreams and ambitions flood your mind... from the tv... from movies... from your family.. from your friends.. so carefree.. for all you knew was wad u wanted to be...
as u grew older... the dreams were fogged by things occuring around you... your grades, have they shown u the key to your door... or has it led u to somewhere u din want to go... interviews... did they succeed in giving the interviewers a good impression of u?
if life has shown u another path... u think... am i going the right way?

when u were really young... u had lots and lots of fun... carefree as u can be... everyone was pure...
as u grew older... personalities starts to form... conflicts starts... and u become more sensitive to wad pple say... u are more subjected to comments about u.. and as u grow.. u want to be appreciated... u want to be noticed.. but how? u asked yourself...

when u were really young... u had little choices to make... most of the times, things were laid out for u..
as u grew older... the options grew as more autonomy was given to u... u made more choices... from the clothes u wear... to the subjects u took in school... to who u like... but certain choices... were they wad u really really want... did u regret them... did u tell yourself "my dressing's off today" or "i should have took econs instead" or "is she the one?"

as u grew and look back in life... there are things which u may think that u could have done it in another way... u could have chose something else... or why didn't i cherish that moment... why did i miss such an important person... thousands of buts... thousands of why didn't i...

there are certain things... u have to act upon... or there will never be a second chance... yes u can regret doing it... but... wouldn't it be worse if u regret never doing anything...

so empTy...

2006-09-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

are there times u just wish there's someone there for u to talk to...
when u basically all of a sudden feel so void...
the MISSING-ness... lol...
or even not someone to talk to...
just someone to just sit just next to u...
there's no need to tok... just sitting there (and wasting time... hahaha)

oh man soccer and running

2006-09-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

got the first pair of soccer boots in my life.. lol blue colour one.. cost onli $19.90... haha.. going to play for my wing in soccer.. a bit lousy lar..anyway.. before the soccer training.. u'll have to run lar.. freaking sianz lor... run and run like dog... sigh...

anyway.. training is getting interesting.. getting into tactics liao... visits to places are coming up too... going to have a lot of fun.. see how nice.. get paid to have fun onli... haha... (after the training days go ops surely die one..)

this monday very funny... the simulator pilots and us were talking bout girls.. den i kept asking pple to intro me... then they went 'edward despo arh?'... haha i not despo lor... i'm depressed... haha ok.. not very funny... as usual.. -_-'''

and erm... lishan arh... expo very far...

New Interface guys hope u guys like it!!

2006-09-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

gotta refurbish my blog... got spiderweb liao... too long never update.. haha... last week was quite a scary week for me... nearly gotten out of course... luckily everyone helped me along... or else i'm quite screwed... haha...

well cheryl's going abroad in a 2, 3 weeks time and erm... guys still stuck in ns... oh and lishan's dance is next week... hope everyone lends her the support... shaowei's oso going taiwan to fire some tanks... haha everyone's bz...

yesterday was fun... hadn't got to see everyone at one shot for quite some time le... pple like ah shan and serene... looking forward to uni lor... u gals seemed to be having fun... haha...

damn funny lor... to think that at the interchange we were toking bout vicknesh... 15 mins later... we saw him at junction 8... that's haha coincidental? k la.. quite terrifying... sure we wanna tell him our next class outing? nah....

Great WeeKeND!!

2006-06-11T07:51:00.000-07:00

haha... it's good to see u guys again.. after such a LONG time... poor cow lor... he always organise den the response quite stagnant one... haha lucky this time can make it... hmmmm... cheryl's going away in a few months' time... guess she's really excited... dun think is the studies there that's making her excited... more lyk the *cough "guys"*... haha...

ns really changes your life.. after going into the service... more or less... i felt quite detached... from the outside world, from my friends... (cow feels the same way too) and every time when u get back home... u will just wanna stay at home.. haha.. it's a good thing in some way... spend more time with your family.. haha... one more thing is... your conversation topic become super limited... every thing that comes out of your mouth is wad u do in ns... actually i tok until bored oso... if i'm bored... of coz others esp the gals will be bored... ns here ns there... must try to control.. it's like when two guys come together... NS!!! "hey my sergeants siao one... always like to pump us" sigh... get wad i mean...

2006-06-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

i'm elated!!!

SiLLy mE?

2006-06-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

the moment she revealed that incident to me... haha.. my heart kinda sank... when she described him... i felt damn inferior... well... who wouldn't be.. haiz... i still like her... after all this while.. haha.. but... keep getting into her wrong side... dun mention the physical aspect lar... that one wait ten years oso won't change one... knowing she feels that being in the military is not a stable career... i ended up IN the military... dun wanna mention much but... her standard is UP... and well dun even know if i met the half way mark...

think all the little things will warm her heart? will being there for her help? others will be there to... i'm not the onli one for sure... sometimes i juz wonder... wad does she think of me... there're sometimes... i juz have this very very negative feeling... sigh... pessimistic...

u noe.. sometimes there are times when u haf done something... den after a while... u start thinking... did u do the right thing... me? sigh... suddenly thinking of wad i gonna do after i get outta of the force... my contract ends at 29... i can continue in the force... or be engineer... if i siam... i get less money from a accumulated acc... and my knowledge may not be relevant anymore.. if i stay... wad am i gonna do after 45? damn... maybe u'll see me fetching u to changi airport... taxi driver mah... lol... but of coz if i stay on... i'm gonna do my very best... juz like wad i'm doing now...

but seriously... 29... i may be married... or single... single still ok... i responsible for me self... but if otherwise... have to really consider freaking carefully...

training in air force school is getting more and more interesting oredi... the real practical's gonna start... the excitement... i can smell it... the radar... haha... controling planes in seconds... at least it puts a stop to the lectures... they put u to sleep... oh... and one of the instructors chio sia... this is wad i call a morale booster... haha.. see some of my bmt buddies there... as ada specs... they in for some 'fun' sia... haha...

i'm starting to know the specs in c3 wing oredi... even the sim pilots... though for them i still dun realli noe their names... very nice pple... hope they are the pple... and of course the instructors to brighten up our training!!!

I wAnt ThaT sWorD!!!

2006-05-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

my third day in Air Force School... how shld i put this... the regiment is strict for my wing... muz stricter than in Air Wing in OCS... kinda scary... my fren kenna confined for putting the jacket the opposite way cause his hands are cold... duh.... but is weekday confinement... shall not elaborate... sensitive issue... but we've got a lot more free time... much more better than a lot of pple... haha..

the lectures are quite a torture... haha... first u will be super awake... den your eyes will start to shut slowly... as u struggle to keep them open, it will still eventually close... so u pop in a sweet... awake for another 10 - 15 mins before u start dozing off again... so u stand up... that one eh...cannot sleep one.. haha... but some pple can though...

there are 7 pple in my course.. and i come to find out there's one best trainee.. one sword of honour... well.. 2/7... i think i'm gonna pia... i want that sword... at least that would be of help for my career... but i noe it's not gonna be ez... esp when there are... around making it difficult... well... jia you jia youz...

whoa such a long time

2006-05-13T21:41:00.000-07:00

it's been a super long time since i last blog... lol... three months... plenty of mosquitos oredi... it's been a disgusting week... *puke* Firstly, end of course dinner no date... that one ok lar... following that the next day... my presentation screwed up... though it's a group thingy but my part was totally screwed up. my instructor told me he failed me immediately... sianz lar... luckily overall we did quite good... thx to the rest of them... Then later on... i got to know i get duty... super suay... i actually on standby one, den that guy on duty got interview book out, so i took over, in the end i stayed for an extra night... sianz... on thurs got drills... and after 4 years of training in precision drill, a few of them started telling me my drills are bit wrong(xtra step or something)... den when i "attempt" to do it properly, still wrong lor... juz wadde hell... sigh... anyway afst ending soon... which means i'll haf to put in my all in the air force school.... hopefully i'll get soh.... i'll go all out..

MIA for quite some time

2006-02-26T03:05:00.000-08:00

it's been a long time since i last blog... seriously have no time to do anything man... juz so tired... guess my past time is sleeping now... wtf... getting my a levels result on bday... bday prez indeed... how nice... haha... today booking in again... sianz.....

back to civilisation

2006-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

juz came back from tekong... haha.. one day onli.. so sad... but anyway... take the opportunity to tok to the class kinda miss them haha (wonder if they miss me too? =p) haha... got a range of pple in there.. haha... it's ns after all.. wad to expect... but i think it's gonna be super hiong the next few weeks... never gets better one i think... but i do really think TAURUS ONE ROCKS!!!!

last day ='(

2006-01-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

time really freaking fast... last day le... tml... sigh... NS TIME!!! today her nick kinda struck me... haha time can tell... if i'm really serious bout her... i think it'll not really change unless... something drastic happens lar... i doubt so... so all i can say is time will tell... and haha... i think giving us both time will really help us think through it seriously... and when things more or less settle down... we can both tok things thru i think... haha... that's erm... wad i think... i mean if i rush into things... find out it's juz an infatuation or something lyk that... wouldn't it be unfair... haha but well things are not there yet... musnt think too much...

anyway... sigh... NS... hope nothing goes wrong... GAMBATTE NE!!! HAI!!!... lol guys gd luck
gals take care... lotsa lurve!!!

Less than 40 hours to NS

2006-01-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

haha.. really something wrong with me... pple not worried bout NS... seemed lyk i'm the onli one... To think i NCC one somemore.. lol... dunno why.. so worried... so troubled... haha... want someone to really tok to me... but i guess haha... who really has the time to listen to me lar... on the other hand... lol... i start to dao pple... staying away from conversation (sorry hao sorry cheryl) shit lar... i a bit siao liao... insane... i'm not lyk the onli going to NS lor... Big deal... Actually was quite motivated.... den not motivated liao... haha... as in the excitement juz passed away... RIP... dunno why now super super sianz... sia lar... i think i back to my self-centred being again... why doesn't anyone care that sort of thinking... but hmmm... guirong that email... haha... juz keep me thinking... there are pple who care.. but it's onli me who think no one does... lol.. which is bloody stupid... selfish to think that the world revolves AROUND me... muz stop doing that fricking shit... hope nothing goes wrong in NS... muz go ocs!!! my heart may be still holding on to something which it cannot let go... really wish she'll lyk msg me to wish me luck... haha... think too much...

wad's impt

2006-01-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

wad do u first think of in the morning when u first wake up (provided u wake up in the morning)? something impt? someone impt? i think wadever that's on my mind is indeed impt...

wad exactly am i afraid of... i've doing so much toking... yet i'm still rather clueless... seriously... i think i do have an idea how i feel... but the fear i have is juz preventing me to do wad i wanna do... and i couldn't not be so selfish to be juz thinking of how i feel... if things really doesn't eh... go so well (for me lar) i really really really really hope... we'll still be good frens...

hope she reads this

New Year!!!

2005-12-31T13:55:00.000-08:00

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haha... it's the new year... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! hmmm... oso dunno how to describe my feeling now... really all mixed up... feeling a bit happy... a bit sad... a bit disappointed... a bit less troubled... or maybe a little more troubled... well mixed feelings... u noe wad i mean... haha... 哈哈。也不知道是不是自找麻烦。。明知道机会渺茫还是很笨笨的说了一些话。。也许常在心里会比较好。。那种滋味可能还比较让我能够接受。。可是说出来的话总是不能回收，时间也无法倒流。。那个选择是对还是错还是真令我搞不动。。老实说，我感觉得到她可能就已有知己。。哈哈。。我真是想太多了。。坏习惯咯。。可能也不是说不好啦，可能就心中放下了这个疑问，就知道了一些未答的答案，反正还是朋友啊。。没问题啊。。哈哈。。我不能担保现在能够和往日一摸一样因为我知道自己会被困扰着。That's me... 哈哈。。嘿！至少我现在知道那些话不是对我说的。。哈哈！（果然是想太多了）就要当兵了。。到时候会累到自己是谁都忘记咯。。话又说回来，硬撑下去有两种后果：坏的，人会显得超级无敌烦，不自量（这一点就不必多说。。大多数人都会苟同，哈哈！）。好的，就不必说了。。嗨~ 就顺其自然吧~顺其自然吧~
可能她心中已有了对象呢？
还是那句话。。顺其自然。。有缘有份就好。。有缘没份也好。。不要没缘没份。

ConfuSed...

2005-12-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

man man man... regarding the... u noe... (i sound lyk yoshi)... i juz dun wanna be selfish and hurt another person... very confused... mixed feelings... cheryl's been very helpful... on the other hand... lol can consider her... haha... (sounds wrong though but she's real nice too...)

Presentation to the School!!!

2005-12-29T04:03:00.000-08:00

today went to play badminton with poh poh and yihern and friends... too long never exercise... hamstring cannot stretch lol.. den went to the presentation... yea... haha... pple say the video very nice... i so happy.. anyway yeah... the entire pe department was there... michael tay was there sp was there... don whitby was there... still got others lar... and yar... got to know our coldest temp was -15 not -5... i tot -5 onli lar... kaoz.. -15 that cold lar... oh OBK seems tough lor... haha... their coldest is lyk -20 and their mountain is twice ours in terms of height...

one interesting thing today is tay ask me when i going into army and where... when i say bmtc 2 he's lyk... "HAHAHA... Good Luck..." wad's wrong with bmtc 2... shit lar... he dun wanna tell me... den when menon ask me the same thing.. i answer bmtc 2... he said "oh bmtc 2..." and gave me that look... die lar... wassup with bmtc 2?!

Boring Boring Day

2005-12-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

sigh... deleted all my jap stuff... think it's too wordy liao... makes it super boring... even i was bored by it... dunno wad to write oso... haha damn bored... write about the pple? nah... well everyone was kinda nice... haha... found a sister oso... shuyu... she haf quite the same sentiments as i am... same problem different eh... source of problem... she'll noe wad i mean...

die lar... i think really too obvious liao... bad sign... but i think it's juz a crush... it'll pass wif time... i hope... if not... yar... shld be... sometimes really dunno i shld speak up or not... it's not about being rejected... more of the aftermath... scared of sacrifacing of a really gd fren... not worth it lor... den that would be very foolish indeed... but yeah... quite confused really confused... and yes... cheryl is right... no the above topic... something else... crap.. so must really put thought into this... dun wanna hurt another...

Going to JAP!!!

2005-12-11T03:30:00.000-08:00

haha lol today when back to MindChamps where i work lar... before the A's... really miss the job there... miss the kids... miss the trainers... haha... today go back very high... HDB Hub damn big lar... MindChamps now got their own theatre some more... whoa... oh yar... met David Chiem.. gave me a shock... big boss... haha... guess i have to build up my stamina so i can work there part time while serving my ns... haha

hmmm... another 20 mins i going Japan liao... that leekoon suddenly say she not taking a ride from me le... haha... guess she taking taxi there bah... hmmm let's juz hope it isn't too cold there... =p

YEP outing... a short one though

2005-12-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

sia lar... today go out no money... haha muz ask from mum lar... a bit the tough... nonetheless... still got money... but cannot anyhow spend... wah go kbox lor... den haha chunhao also went lar... well of coz he sang for the very first time... not that bad lar... on par with me =p no lar... maybe better... anyway well it's a new experience for him... today a bit hiong so kinda lost my voice a little...

after that went to meet poh poh they all for bowling... still lousy lar... but becoz i'm still as lousy... i haven't lost my touch... everyone is also lousy lar... yi hern's not too bad... quite steady lar...
sigh too bad i no strike got two spare onli... lee koon gotta jia you le.. lol... maybe a few more games she maybe even better than me... sigh sad case.. i play one game den gotta rush home liao...

well certain things are getting weird... she has been msging me lar... considered nice msges lar if u take into consideration the kinda stuff she has been criticising me... sometimes juz wondering wad's she up to... anyway... i think i'm kinda afraid into going into a relationship unless i realli know the person well enuff and i myself know wad i want... dun wanna get into a relationship and find that the person actually thinks that i am inadequate... it kinda tells u "so why in the F***ing hell do u choose me in the first place?" yeah something like that... but on the other hand the person maybe touched at that very moment... aiya.. it's a freaking complicated matter... my weird behaviour may be it's becoz i'm someone who wants to get appreciated bah... hey appreciation is VERY IMPORTANT one u noe... so dun take it for granted...

kaoz... 2 more day to OBJ... scared i forget to take things lar... my stuff not considered fully packed though majority packed liao... hope i dun miss how any impt stuff... how i wish that tan leekoon can double check things wif me... haha

PoSt StUdIEs

2005-12-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

haha... the A's are over... prom is over too... that means... lesser chance to get to see me frens... haha... prom was really enjoyable... thought i will really turn out disgusting... but all turn out well... (though some of the girls were really "elaborated") anyway... felt really bad when i tease lee koon bout her makeup.. it's a bit thick though... made her look more mature... other than that.. she's really quite yeah... photogenic... pretty lar... in other words... den there was of coz serene... she's also yeah.. pretty... haha... and there's also kahling... whoa... she rock man... really rock as in rock lar... oh wadever... u get wad i mean... guys look similar lar... our class one... except for yiyang.. but the bottom line is everyone enjoyed themselves...

serene gave me a card and in that card.... sigh... she mentioned she noe that i'm a nice guy after YEP.... that's like 9 mths!!! maybe nice guys are kinda low profile... so... cannot blame her... haha... maybe i shld send her a christmas card too... (Good Idea)...

Pubs are chaotic... Chunhao nearly burst my eardrums when he shouted into my ear... inevitable lar considering the music blarring... and damn it's tough to get a drink... and i'll try to reduce my drinking the next time round (if there is).. me can get drunk easily... lol... bloody mild hangover... sigh... too bad all ended so fast... wonder when's the next gathering... can't wait to see everyone again...

oh i still owe min tze and rock queen 4 bucks.... muz pay them before the new year comes...